And Then The Peacock
by Lillielle
Summary: Disclaimer: I own nothing. Written for a story dare. Pairing: Sirius/Lucius/Bellatrix/Peacock. Prompts: caramel and/or gingerbread, booby trap, potato. Sirius should have known his visit to Malfoy Manor would be anything but 'normal'...


_A/N: Written for a story dare given by __**Michy Drarry Shipper.**_

_Pairings: Sirius/Lucius/Bellatrix/Peacock_

_Prompts: caramel and/or gingerbread, booby trap, potato_

_Notes: Very AU, Sirius is Dark._

In retrospect, Sirius should have known better than to go to Malfoy Manor for the holidays. Narcissa was away, visiting some distant relatives in France, and Voldemort was in and out of the place, mostly planning Death Eater raids and what he would do when he'd _finally_ taken over the Ministry. Both Sirius and Lucius privately thought the only way that was going to happen at this rate was if everyone in the Ministry spontaneously fell over dead, but they also knew better than to _voice_ said thoughts. Bellatrix would be more than happy to torture them if her Lord wasn't in the mood, and after being on the receiving end of her wand a time or two, Sirius was eager to never do so again. Particularly after she'd almost propelled him through the Death Veil in the Department of Mysteries.

Still, Sirius was lonely, missing his god-son (who refused to leave the side of that utter tosser, Albus Dumbledore), and it was with a relatively hopeful heart that he packed a suitcase and left for Malfoy Manor that icy Christmas Eve morning. Kreacher fell over himself to help him pack, including, of all things, a potato. For good luck, the more than half-crazed house elf bobbed and whispered, a disturbingly lecherous look in red-veined eyes that made Sirius's gorge rise. He'd muttered thanks, but as soon as he'd shaken the dust of Grimmauld Place off his boots, he'd tossed the potato in a bin. He didn't need to wonder where the bloody thing had been anymore, thank you.

"Sirius!" Lucius greeted him with a more-than-affectionate peck on the lips and a squeeze of the shoulders. It was a secret only to Narcissa that Lucius couldn't stand their ice-cold marriage and frequently sought the bed of others. Sirius himself only felt honoured that the Malfoy patriarch had picked him-more than once, at that. Clearly, his skill in lovemaking was more than up to snuff.

"Lucius," Sirius smiled. "How are you?"

"Oh, you know, the same old," Lucius snorted. "Draco's not here-spending Christmas with the Parkinsons this year. He's got a crush on the Parkinson girl. Pansy, was it?"

"Good luck to him," Sirius snickered. "She takes after her mum, doesn't she? In temperament _and_ in looks?"

"Lucius?" Bellatrix's voice cut through the revelry as the woman descended the staircase. "Were you not going to tell me that we had guests?"

"Sorry, Bella," Lucius placated the slightly-deranged lieutenant of the Dark Lord. "I thought you knew Sirius was coming for the holidays."

"Surely not," Bellatrix said, casting a rather salacious look down Sirius's body and making him wish for a cold shower. "Else I would have greeted him when he first stepped through the doors myself. How _rude_, Lucius."

"My apologies," Lucius said stiffly. "May I show Sirius to his rooms, Bellatrix?"

"What?" she blinked, looking distracted, then waved a hand. "Yes, yes, of course. I shall expect you-both of you-at dinner then?" the look in her dark eyes left no room for disagreement, and both men nodded as she swept away in a flurry of black skirts.

"Howling mad," Lucius murmured under his breath as they climbed the staircase. "Mind you, she's rather attractive, too..."

"Indeed," Sirius replied dryly. "Don't act like you've not shagged her, I saw the look on your face when she turned."

"It was that or undergo prolonged torture for six hours, I wonder what I would have picked," Lucius retorted as he opened the first door on the left and was immediately showered with a tin of golden paint. "What the?!" he spluttered, light blond hair plastered to his head with thick gold. "Dobby!" he roared and the house elf popped into existence, wringing his hands. "What is the meaning of this?" Lucius snapped, the effect slightly ruined by the paint trying to seal his eyes shut.

"I'm sorry, master," Dobby whimpered. "It was young Master Malfoy's idea, sir, he told Dobby not to budge it, sir, a prank he said, a booby trap, Dobby is sorry, Master Malfoy..."

"Oh, get out of my sight," Lucius sighed, not even bothering to torture the elf as he winked back out of the room. "Draco is going to be one _sorry_ little boy when he gets home," the Malfoy scion said with false sweetness as he cast a Cleaning Charm and finally removed the sticky gold paint from him and his robes, though his robes now looked more than a bit bedraggled.

"Sorry, Lucius," Sirius said, trying rather unsuccessfully to hide his smirk.

"Shut up," Lucius growled, giving up on his robes as a bad job and banishing the lot to the laundry until he stood before Sirius in only his skivvies. Sirius's eyes flashed nearly black, and Lucius raised one eyebrow. "Yes? Did you want something?" Lucius smirked.

"You," Sirius said simply and nearly launched himself at the man, crashing against the doorframe as his lips claimed Lucius's in a savage kiss. He tasted of caramel and gingerbread and the smoky-spicy-sweetness that was purely _Lucius_, and Sirius was lost.

"The bed," Lucius panted, and Sirius was more than willing to comply, shoving the taller man backward until they both fell over on top of the pristine green covers, Sirius shedding his clothes as fast as he could, eager to feel bare skin against his.

"I do hope this is a party anyone can join," Bellatrix's sardonic voice came from the doorway. The two jolted apart, Sirius's face turning bright red and Lucius's paling to the colour of old milk.

"Bellatrix, I," Lucius started to say something, but her gaze shot him down instantly.

"Save it, Lucy," she told him with icy sweetness as she sashayed into the room followed by-of all things-a _peacock_?

"Bella, why is there a peacock behind you?" Sirius questioned, too overcome by curiousity to remember that he was asking Voldemort's second-in-command such an impertinent query while he himself was starkers.

"Oh, him?" Bella looked behind her, as if she too was surprised to see the gloriously plumaged white bird. "He followed me in," she said airily. "Quite a lovely beast, isn't he?"

"Um..." Sirius trailed off, unsure of how to put his reaction in any sort of tactful way. Beside him, Lucius shifted uncomfortably.

"Well, go on," Bellatrix waved her hands impatiently. "You were about to shag, weren't you? Don't let me and erm-peacock get in the way." She settled comfortably at the end of the bed, the peacock hopping up into her lap and staring at Sirius with beady eyes.

"Squawk!" said the peacock, and Sirius sighed. Lucius whimpered.

"You cannot possibly be turned on by a _peacock,_" Sirius hissed in the man's ear. Lucius flushed scarlet.

"Don't knock it 'til you've tried it," was the man's acid rejoinder.

"I'm waiting," Bellatrix sing-song'ed impatiently. "Do I need to liven things up?" She hefted her wand in a menacing manner.

"No!" Both men squeaked out in fear.

"Or perhaps join in myself?" Bellatrix raised one eyebrow. "Yes, I think that is what's required, don't you?" She moved in closer, the peacock shifting with her, until she was pressed most uncomfortably against Sirius's back. The peacock's beak scraped against his hip, and he cringed.

"Come on, Sirius," Bellatrix's whisper ghosted across his ear as her lips pressed a hot kiss to his neck. "Don't tell me you're _afraid_."

"Never," he hissed, and renewed his earlier sensual assault on Lucius's mouth, grinding against the man in all sorts of delectable ways, doing his best to ignore the crazed witch at his back, with her talented hands roaming to quite sensitive places, and most _certainly_ ignoring the blasted peacock, whose feathers kept making him itch and who was prone to trying to bite him at the most inconvenient of times.

All in all, Sirius reflected as he sprawled back onto the bed at the end, breathing heavily and trying not to think about why his back felt so wet, it wasn't the _worst_ foursome he'd ever been in, but it was certainly the strangest.

And one, he thought as Bellatrix slid off the bed and the peacock made no move to follow, he had no desire to repeat!


End file.
